Hm. It was true.

I am a little embarrassed by my last post. But whatever. It is true. I like it here. I like that I'm living away from my home town. I felt watched in Colorado, knowing so many people. It (and my own insecurities) made exhausted & cranky. Here I just blend in. I am just me, anonymous.

Finals. Grad school for psych is wonderful and hard. I'm finally doing what I want, but I find myself constantly too busy and consistantly egocentric. Am I this way? That way? Is there something wrong with me that I have no idea is there? If I have a personality disorder, I probably won't know it... so what if I do?

I don't really think that I have a personality disorder. But I am insecure about what people think about me, and now I have all this information on "curing myself" without time or energy with which to do so. But plenty of excuses. Yee.

I am also three weeks without a cigarette, mourning smoking as if I had lost a best friend. I don't NEED to have a cigarette, but I MISS having them. It was my excuse for breaks, for feeling melodramatic, for being alone, for liking being alone. Mmm. But there are worse things. Lung cancer, for example. Or being all wrinkly at age 35. Or just being a smoker. It's not what I want to be anymore -- constantly craving something all the time.