Lonely last days of summer

Chaos seems to seep from everyone's pores these days. The last days of summer falling away, school starting, a wild energy in the air, the girls on campus so dressed up I have pangs of something close to lonliness remembering when that attention was just that important for me, too. Then maybe somewhere feeling like at times it still is.

And now I hear that there's coke everywhere in this town. I go on one little vacation and suddenly it's tearing through a corner of my group of friends. We're all connected in one way or another, through dating or work or whatever, and I find myself standing back going HOLY CRAP how did these people get so lost so fast? Most of them I don't hang out with anymore, but some of them still date or are close to people I'm very close to. Crazy, crazy stories of hotel rooms and crackheads and wait -- these people are in their mid-20's and they're doing WHAT? Christ.

I had my own experimentation with coke back in college. Had some of the darkest mornings of my life waking up from it. One of my closest friend's boyfriend stole money from her and hasn't been home for 3 days. Just like that. And those of us that aren't involved are suddenly distanced from them through the withusoragainstus drug thing, compounded by the fact that my ex is on that other side too, and all of us over here are bewildered, sad and angry. Lies are popping up like daisies and everyone just wants to cover it up and make it go away, but it doesn't seem like that's a possibility anywhere.

And my ex? The good memories are slipping away and all I can see is the angry person that was in front of me on Monday night, telling me how horrible I was throughout our relationship. Saying, "I'm FINE now, I'm GREAT," while wiping his nose with the back of his hand.