Yipes!
I have just realized that I, like most of my female friends, am starting to notice things about me that are EXACTLY like my mother. I know this is probably a gendered topic worn thin, but it is *scary* when it happens to you personally.
Case in point: I have a compulsion to eat free food, even if it's really weird or icky. I haven't even eaten half the food that's been in my cupboards since I graduated college. When I moved out of my place with M, I was picking through cans of chicken soup that had come with us from California a year before. And yet, if someone is going to throw out some leftover chicken pesto pasta thing, I am ALL OVER IT.
We get a lot of scraps from events at my work. Fruit trays with only the grapes left, half-soggy cookies, 6,000 cheddar cheese cubes but no crackers, etc. And I will pick through all of it. Even if I brought something totally normal for lunch.
This freaks me out because there's something both cheap and creepy about this compulsion. Like an "I have to eat that before someone else does" thing. As the eldest child in the family, I think you take on this weird survivalist mentality when a younger sibling enters the picture. My mom was a first-born, too.
Bad realization: Now that I am staying with my mother, I may be more susceptible to taking on her OCD behavior. Help.
Good realization: I refuse to get into her "calories don't exist if you're eating off someone else's plate" crap. Or any of her weird stuff like that. Diets freak me out. Such feminized bullshit crap. Half the country is going through a drive-through for breakfast and the other half feels guilty eating a waffle.
Huh. I sound pissy. Kind of out of nowhere. I don't really care that much if people diet as long as it's not some big fad thing, or motivated by the wrong reasons. I think this break-up is bringing out some bitterness. I hope it's not my belligerently feminist past back to haunt me. I saw enough of that me in college.
Speaking of, I saw a lot of college me memories the other night. A lovely friend and I traversed our old campus, "breaking" (okay, just wandering) into buildings and seeking out freshman year dorm rooms and the like. Too bad I'm too messed up to date right now. It would be awesome to have a make-out session in a dorm room again.
Case in point: I have a compulsion to eat free food, even if it's really weird or icky. I haven't even eaten half the food that's been in my cupboards since I graduated college. When I moved out of my place with M, I was picking through cans of chicken soup that had come with us from California a year before. And yet, if someone is going to throw out some leftover chicken pesto pasta thing, I am ALL OVER IT.
We get a lot of scraps from events at my work. Fruit trays with only the grapes left, half-soggy cookies, 6,000 cheddar cheese cubes but no crackers, etc. And I will pick through all of it. Even if I brought something totally normal for lunch.
This freaks me out because there's something both cheap and creepy about this compulsion. Like an "I have to eat that before someone else does" thing. As the eldest child in the family, I think you take on this weird survivalist mentality when a younger sibling enters the picture. My mom was a first-born, too.
Bad realization: Now that I am staying with my mother, I may be more susceptible to taking on her OCD behavior. Help.
Good realization: I refuse to get into her "calories don't exist if you're eating off someone else's plate" crap. Or any of her weird stuff like that. Diets freak me out. Such feminized bullshit crap. Half the country is going through a drive-through for breakfast and the other half feels guilty eating a waffle.
Huh. I sound pissy. Kind of out of nowhere. I don't really care that much if people diet as long as it's not some big fad thing, or motivated by the wrong reasons. I think this break-up is bringing out some bitterness. I hope it's not my belligerently feminist past back to haunt me. I saw enough of that me in college.
Speaking of, I saw a lot of college me memories the other night. A lovely friend and I traversed our old campus, "breaking" (okay, just wandering) into buildings and seeking out freshman year dorm rooms and the like. Too bad I'm too messed up to date right now. It would be awesome to have a make-out session in a dorm room again.
posted by Ester at 2:33 PM
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